Vegan Lonely Hearts Club: Dining Alone

When it comes to dining with others, being a vegan can suddenly single you out.

You're the weirdo, the outsider, the one "being difficult".

Here are my honest experiences and feelings about how it feels to be vegan, and why it can leave you isolated and alone. We will explore:

• When you're bullied for being vegan and how it feels

• Dining with meat easters as a vegan is hard for ethical vegans

• Why I don't visit restaurants that make no effort to create interesting vegan meals

• The difficulties of explaining veganism to the waiter

• Turning down invitations to eat out

• You're not alone in feeling lonely: just ask any ethical vegan for their experiences!

When I went vegan, all of a sudden I was ruining family gatherings by needing a "special" meal and forcing the chef to cook something different for me.

I never wanted to be difficult or different, I simply didn't want to eat animals anymore.

Vegetarians finally seem to be accepted by society, but is that only because of the rise of veganism and the label of "extremism" that has been unfairly associated with us?

When did anyone go to a BBQ and be labeled an extremist for consuming a meal of 90% meat?

But when you consume mostly veg, it's another matter.

When You're Bullied for Being Vegan

It takes nerves of steel to be vegan: you're going to be victimized, and bullied, people will make "fun" of you with unwelcome jokes and - unless you're lucky enough to be in a vegan tribe - you will need to share meals with meat-eaters.

Most of that bullying will probably come from your closest family and friends, the ones you thought would support your decision to stop harming animals.

It's take courage to be vegan and deal with unwelcome jokes and bullying.

When you decided to go vegan, you raised your standards and elected to stand up for what you believe in.

Whether you do it for the animals, your health, or the planet, you will get labelled, put in a box, and feel excluded.

If you dine out with a group, others often look at you as if you're deliberately trying to sabotage the meal.

Dining with Meat Easters as a Vegan

My sense of smell changed quite quickly after I gave up animal products, and I suddenly found the smell of animal-derived products disgusting.

Just walking into a restaurant and being hit with the smell of meat, cheese, or fish can be overwhelming and put you off your meal.

Then, when you're at a table and in close proximity to that smell, it can turn your stomach.

On top of that, if you went vegan for ethical reasons, watching someone chop up an innocent animal and eat it in front of you, can be truly uncomfortable.

Even worse when they tell you how tasty it was!

Really??

I'm vegan, so why are you telling me how good that bloody chunk of cow was?

As a vegan, eating with meat eaters is like going to a pub or bar when you don't drink, surrounded by the smell of alcohol and drunken behavior when you're stone-cold sober: it's not in alignment with your values.

Being Dished an Overpriced Plate of Cheap Carbs

There are way more vegetables, fruits, salads, grains and pulses in terms of variety than our standard range of meat and fish, and yet all we are usually offered as vegans is a big pile of cheap carbs.

So many restaurants only offer a vegan burger or risotto, often priced the same as dishes including meat or fish.

I don't know about you, but I don't want a bowl of pasta with a couple of tomatoes and a few lame bits of veg.

Going to bed with that many calories in my body does not make for a good night's sleep!

If you're lucky enough to find a restaurant serving sides of green veg, not just variations of chips and fries, you can likely cobble together a mix of starters and side dishes to make a healthy meal.

Why do restaurants find it so hard to offer vegan food when it's not that difficult to do?

Explaining Veganism to the Waiter

Given how popular veganism is - or at least how well-known it is - I'm still surprised that so many waiters don't know what it means.

When you ask what's vegan on the menu, how often do you get a blank look from the waiter?

Waiter gets asked what's vegan and doesn't know

They shuffle off to the kitchen and return some time later - probably after a long discussion with the chef, lots of shoulder-shrugging, and a look on Google - only to be offered something vegetarian.

It's all a lot of hassle and unnecessary stress and you've only just arrived at the restaurant.

Turning Down Invitations to Eat Out

Sometimes I've been invited out with a group, but some advance checking of the menu has shown the venue to be vegan-unfriendly.

I'm quite happy to turn down an invite if the venue doesn't offer anything vegan.

Honestly, I know they can probably make me something, but they didn't care for my business in the first place, so I'd rather not give them my money.

If you have been invited to a work party, you may find yourself asking the person organizing the event if the chosen venue can cater for vegans.

So if your work colleagues didn't know you were vegan, they soon will.

And then you can be labeled as awkward by your team.

You're Not Alone in Feeling Lonely

It's not an option for most of us to dine alone all the time, we want to be with our family and friends, and social connection is essential for our mental wellbeing.

Sharing a meal is a wonderful, connective experience that bonds humans and, quite often their dogs, together.

But it is hard when you decide to go vegan and find yourself out of alignment with your fellow diners.

When you find yourself dining with others eating meat around you, you won't be alone in feeling lonely.

And that's what you need to hold on to!